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Snippet Saturday- First Paragraph

First Impressions. First Paragraphs.

In a twist on the theme, I thought I’d show the progress from what WAS the first paragraph to what it ended up being. I’m an obsessive draft saver as I write. At the end of a story I will have dozens of the manuscript saved, and each time things get tweaked more and more.

From the Book 2 in the Granite Lake Wolves, coming October 27th. Wolf Flight.


Version #1- started two years before the real story. Eventually got cut as too much back story.

The sun shone off the surface of the lake to reflect a million sparkling jewels back into his eyes. The bright blue summer sky stretched from mountain peak to mountain peak. Tad maneuvered his floatplane toward the portable dock visible along the north shore of the small lake. He took a deep breath and congratulated himself for being smart enough to find a job that got his butt out of an office and into some of the most beautiful county anywhere in the world.

Damn, he loved to fly.

He had just tucked the plane next to the dock, neat as can be, when he felt a solid clasp to his shoulder.

“Nice landing, hotshot, very nice.”

Version #2- starts in the real story but now there was too little backstory. It was impossible to jump in so fast, so as fun as this was, it got moved into a later chapter.

Hellooo Legs…..

Tad leaned up against the doorframe, the dropped washer he’d been chasing from the backroom forgotten as he looked up at a very well formed pair of gams. True, they were covered with a thick layer of high altitude fleece, but still. Tasty.

And the ass. The light brown pants did nothing to hide the curve of the sweet cheeks under the padding layers.

One of the ‘Top Ten Reasons to eventually move south’ was being clearly demonstrated. Number 3 on Tad’s list, in fact. Living in the Yukon meant that there was usually only about a two week window that the girls were able to wear mini skirts. Now in the cold of February the fact he could admire anything at all other than a fine pair of Kodiak boots and a floor length coat amazed him.

Version #3- Okay, getting more serious now. This -is- before the hero/heroine meet, but it turned out vital to know who the bad guy was.

The Whistler pack house was crowded after dinner, small groups of people arranged around the room talking amongst themselves. Many of the shifters had apartments off the back of the complex within the secret community. Hushed conversations carried on the air quieted even further as raucous laughter burst out from where the Alpha and his cronies sat in the prime seats before the huge stone fireplace. Unease filled Missy as she tried to concentrate on the discussion between the girls in front of her. She felt more tension than usual the air tonight and that was saying a lot. A warning sensation snuck up the back of her neck telling her it was time to retreat. To hide. Saying goodnight to her friends she headed quietly toward the exit.

#4- cleaned up and tweaked w/editorial finesse to become the final start for Wolf Flight

The Whistler pack house was crowded after dinner, with small groups gathered around the room talking amongst themselves. Conversations quieted for a moment as laughter burst out from where the Alpha and his cronies sat in the prime seats before the huge stone fireplace. An icy warning trickled up Missy’s spine, and she gave up on the discussion in front of her. She rose from her chair and headed quietly toward the exit, weaving between the couches and recliners that filled the meeting and relaxation area for the pack.

Missy had no illusions about the precariousness of her position. As the widow of a high-ranking wolf, even one whose position had come from his family relationship instead of his power, she was an obvious target for any of the wolves looking to improve their standing in the pack.

Which would be, oh, pretty much everyone. Only she wasn’t worried about all of them, just one very dangerous individual.


For more firsts. ;)

Kelly MaherJody WallaceShelli StevensMichelle PillowLauren DaneLeah BraemelJaci BurtonElisabeth NaughtonMcKenna JeffriesMoira Rogers Taige CrenshawJuliana StoneAnya BastLacey SavageShelley MunroSasha WhiteAshley Ladd

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J.K. Coi
J.K. Coi
11 years ago

Great post! I love seeing your progression. All good paragraphs, but the last one is the keeper for sure!! :)

11 years ago

Hi Vivian,
Just wanted to let you know that I have a blog award for you here:

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